Schizophrenic Soul
by Kiba Wolf
Summary: It started on a surreal night and continued like a dream-but who was the one doing the dreaming that night? A thoughtful SoMa AU story, T for dark themes, language, and some sensuality.
1. Prologue

_**Schizophrenic Soul**_

_Prologue: The Ethereal World_

* * *

><p>I stepped outside and took a deep breath, reveling in the feel of the gentle, constant wind on my bare skin. The night had just descended, covering the word in a soft, dreamy cloud of deep blue sky as it devoured the sun behind an enveloping fog, leaving the sky with a soft pink tint.<p>

The cold might have bit into someone else's bones, but tonight I walked without a coat or jacket, sweating already from the smoldering heat of the building I had just left. The wind picked up in tempo, making my arms tingle, brushing the delicate, exposed skin of my legs, pushing me forward.

It had rained earlier—likely the source of the fog that refracted the light and gave the world a surreal feel—as if the whole place was tipping to one side, but not causing anything to fall. The streetlights had flickered on and now danced and floated like orbs of light as I walked down the street. The puddles beneath my feet reflected the lamp's light and caused the whole earth to glow.

On the black, flooded asphalt the puddles looked less like mirrors and more like gaping holes that would swallow up an unsuspecting passerby. The ethereal feel and look of this so-called "world" cleared the doubts from my mind as I approached my destination. Off in the distance the ghostly sound of a bell echoed towards me, vibrating a haunting sound through my ears, sending a tingle down my spine.

This "world" hummed with its false reality. The strange night liberating and suffocating at the same time if given enough thought. It was beautiful, without a doubt, but it was also proof of its lying nature and false securities. The wind came again in a gust that ruffled my clothes and tangled my hair and nearly pushed me off the ledge I now stood on. I had arrived at my destination, but the world would not have the last say here—I would go on my own terms.

I spared one more glance at the dreamlike setting I found myself in and inhaled slowly, deeply… to have a scent of damp earth and fresh rain assault my senses.

This was indeed a night of extreme beauty, perhaps the most beautiful this earth would ever be to me, so now would be the best time—the only time to do it. If I left now I knew, no matter what, I would never summon up enough courage to come here again. This was my one and only chance to prove I was no coward; that I still had enough life in me to die with true finality.

Yet the wind tugged on my long locks of hair, beckoning me to turn and look, against my will. I didn't want to turn around; I knew there was nothing left for me there or anywhere. Yet I was compelled to hesitate—compelled by the same earth I had grown to loathe in the deep silence of my own heart.

I would not let such a place keep me chained under its will…

Not a place where it was okay to…

Turn a little girl's father into a man who walked out on his family…

Take away a little girl's mother…

Leave a small girl with nothing but a heartbeat to prove she was even alive…

But that was still hers. Her heart—the steady thrum of it working in her chest. That she still controlled. That she would control right up till the very end—the end that now stood before her in the form of a skyscraper high plummet into the dark waters below.

Her toes inched forward, she peered over the edge, taking in with silent amazement the drop—knowing that she would have a few long seconds of weightless joy before her life came to an end. It really wasn't such a bad way to go.

She inhaled through her nose, her lungs filling with life-sustaining air. Her hands curled into fists at her side… before slowly unclenching and dangling loose and free. Systematically she relaxed her body, calmed her mind, and then… one foot up, dangling over open air. It was a matter of pitching her small weight forward… a simple matter of falling into the embracing winds… she leaned into the breeze and…

"What the hell are you doing?"

I jerked back, snapped back into my own mind by the unwelcomed voice. My heart was pounding furiously, angry at what I had just nearly attempted. I spun around, nearly losing my balance in the process, only to be greeted by the furious face of a boy that looked close to my age.

"What?" I asked dumbly, not sure what else to say—I hadn't expected or planned on anyone showing up, least of all some strange boy that would bother stopping me at all.

"I said," he growled slowly, rage brewing in his strange red eyes, "What the _hell _are you doing?"

"It's not obvious?" I snapped. "Now if you'd left me alone, it would be done already! Now I have to try and relax again and everything and—!"

"Like hell you are!" he yelled back, taking a few quick strides towards me and pulling me down, and then to my surprise he tossed my up and over his shoulder, carrying me like a sack of potatoes.

"What the hell are you doing? Let me down!" I demanded indignantly. "You have no right to touch me!"

"And you have no business trying to kill yourself!" he retorted and for a moment I wasn't sure what to say. It was the first time I'd heard it out loud like that—trying to _kill_ myself. I stayed silent, failing to find the words that I needed to say—that I needed to explain _why _I wanted this—why I _needed _to do this.

"You know there are people out there dying from deadly diseases that would love to have a healthy body like yours—that would give anything for another shot at life," he lectured, carrying me to—wherever it was he was carrying me. "There are people out there that have cancer or multiple sclerosis or some other shit—and _you_—Miss Too-Good-For-The-World—you think you have the _right _reasons to do this to yourself?

"People like you make me so damn mad!" he concluded in a huff.

"I won't apologize, just so you know," I muttered, knowing he could hear my soft voice due to our closeness.

"I don't want you to apologize," he answered, his voice finally calming and picking up a neutral tone. "I would like to know why the hell you thought killing yourself was a good idea—but that can wait." Suddenly he dropped me on my feet, catching me as I wobbled from the rush of blood to my legs.

"Where did you take me?" I asked, blinking hard as stars blossomed in my field of vision, blinding me for a surreal moment.

"My apartment—you're staying here tonight," he explained. "And before you start spouting some nonsense excuse let me put it this way—you just tried to kill yourself, so you really don't have anything to lose by staying here. Not like you have to worry if I turn out to be some crazy serial killer, right?"

I opened my mouth to produce some kind of excuse—nonsense or not—but he did have a point, and I didn't really have anywhere else to go. By this point in my life—well, by this point I thought I wouldn't have a life, so my schedule was pretty clear for the rest of… my life.

How weird to think of that now. My life—something some stranger considered more precious than I did. I followed the stranger in question inside the apartment complex, up some stairs, and paused as he fiddled with a key, unlocking the door that unveiled his sparse little living space.

"It's not much, but you can take the bed in the room back there," he said, gesturing down the hall to my left. "And don't try anything weird, one because I'm a light sleeper, and two because if anything happens to you while you're here—with some guy you have no history with—guess who gets the blame?"

"Is that your way of telling me to think of someone other than myself?" I asked with a frown, still pissed that he had interrupted me.

"Basically—good to know you're not totally stupid." He yawned and stretched his hands over his head. "I'm getting a snack, want anything?"

"No, I'm fine," I said, watching as he disappeared behind the opening in the wall to where I assumed the kitchen was. After a moment I followed him and poked my head in the opening, toes tapping nervously on the wooden floor beneath them.

"What is it?" he asked, turning around with a scowl on his face—probably expecting a snide comment from me, which I couldn't exactly blame him for.

"I was just wondering," I started slowly, dropping my gaze from his eyes. "What's your name?" I looked back up in time to see him blink in surprise before he quickly masked it.

"Soul," he answered, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Soul Eater. What's yours?"

"Maka Albarn."


	2. Heartbeat

_**Schizophrenic Soul: Heartbeat**_

* * *

><p>I slowly backed away from the kitchen and softly stepped down the hall to the room he had mentioned earlier. I twisted the worn golden knob and took a tentative step inside. A familiar smell engulfed me, a scent I recognized as his from the short time he had carried me. The room was decorated in such a way that, even if there were more rooms in the complex, I would have known immediately this room belonged to him.<p>

There was something about the casual interests lining the walls in the forms of posters and the few little knick-knacks on the single shelf above the desk that just seemed to fit him so perfectly. Maybe it was just in the way he walked or talked or simply moved.

I shook my head, dismissing the thoughts. I knew I had a romantic mind but this was just silly. My legs carried me to the bed where I laid down (trying not to think too much of the action), and my mind spiraled trying to understand the recent turn of events.

Going from on the edge—literally—to sleeping on a strange man's bed. A man I knew nothing about, except that he was the reason I was still alive.

Whether that was something I should thank him for or curse him for I wasn't sure yet, because now my life suddenly opened up before me. Now instead of having no worries about tomorrow, because I would never see tomorrow, I was faced with the realization that the dawn would come.

The sun would break through the choking fog of clouds and darkness, and it would find me here, staring back at it and wondering why.

Why I was still alive.

Why a young boy was sent to save me.

And why any of this even happened in the first place.

A sudden rumble of thunder shook the windowpane and rattled me from my thoughts. Swallowing nervously I crawled across his bed to the window in order to look out at the brew storm just in time to see a brilliant flash of lightening bleach the world white.

"So you are human after all," he said, startling me. I spun around, partially embarrassed to be on his bed in his presence—I wasn't that naive—and partially embarrassed to be caught watching the storm.

"I just don't like storms, that's all," I muttered, folding my legs under me and staring down at the comforter.

"You must've been out of it for a while not to hear about this before it actually hit," he remarked, leaning against the doorframe. "The weather people have been talking about a big storm rolling through for a few days now."

"…Yeah, I guess so," I agreed, not really wanting to talk about why I was where I was tonight. My whole body was starting to feel drained as it relaxed from the tension I hadn't realized was there until it started to leave. He studied me for a long moment, but must have decided not to push the subject any further for now.

"I was just thinking you probably don't have anything to sleep in," he said, explaining his sudden appearance. "If you want I have some sweats and t-shirts you can use in this drawer here." He walked over to the dresser and tapped the third row down.

"Oh, okay, thank you," I replied, unsure of what else to say. He stared at me awkwardly for a moment before turning and walking out, closing the door shut behind him.

I waited a moment in case he had forgotten anything else before standing up and walking over to the dresser, pulling out the smallest pair of sweats and t-shirt I could find. After dropping my clothing to the side and tugging on the new garments I gathered my laundry and walked back to the bed, falling onto the soft surface and blinking several times before the world melted away.

The next morning came with surprisingly little fanfare. Somewhere in the back of my mind I expected some phenomenal event that would guide me onto a new path—one I never could have known about if the odd boy hadn't saved me.

How weird to think that just last night, mere hours ago, I thought I'd never see this day.

Glancing out the window I was greeted with the return of the gentle sun that had been swallowed up by darkness the night before. It shone down on the surface of the earth, turning the puddles that remained to glitter on the ground.

A beautiful, recovering world.

_Knock, knock. _

"Yes?" I called, not really recognizing my own voice.

"It's just me—I wanted to tell you that I made breakfast, if you want some," replied a male voice that I had known for only a short time, sounding tired and weary—as if he hadn't slept all night.

"Okay, I'll be out in a second," I answered, turning back to the window. This time he made no reply; all I heard was the sound of his soft footfall as he walked away. Something about the noise caused a fire I had long thought extinguished to flicker inside me.

Sparing one last glance at the blue skies of the early morning—the calm after the storm—I crawled off the bed and stretched, reveling in the feel of my muscles rolling and tensing and the sound of my bones popping. Feelings that were almost forever lost to me.

Dwelling on the thoughts reminded me of the surreal feelings that had flooded me last night. Combing out my hair the best I could without a brush and throwing on my damp clothes—was I sweating last night? Or was it the moisture from standing in the eye of the storm?—I attempted to make myself look presentable. Not that it really mattered at this point.

I shook my head and stepped outside of the room cautiously

A cliché smell of eggs and bacon hit my senses and I had a pessimistic moment, wondering how he found the money for even fake bacon these days. Still, it was a welcome scent—a break from the otherwise dominating smell of him that pervaded the apartment, not surprisingly.

He sat at a little, round wooden table in the kitchen area, an empty chair across from him with a plate in front of it, presumably for me. I took the seat cautiously and gave the food a suspicious look. The utensils and plates looked relatively clean, especially for a bachelor—was he alone in this apartment? I hadn't asked. Well, I hadn't really asked him anything except for his name at this point.

I noticed then that he was looking at me expectantly, his forkful of eggs half-way to his mouth.

Ever-so-carefully I picked up my own fork and stabbed a chunk of egg, lifting it to my lips before pausing… but then I recalled his words from the night before and shoved the fork into my mouth.

"_What do you have to lose?" _

Only after the piping hot eggs hit my tongue did I realize how hungry I truly was, and I quickly proceeded to swallow down the breakfast without even tasting a thing that went into my mouth. My fork clattered to the plate noisily and I let out a content sigh.

The taste of food… something else I never thought I would feel again.

"How was it?" he asked, clearing his throat and causing my attention to fall back to his plate which had also been emptied of its contents. He leaned back on his chair, balancing on the back two legs, looking down at his hands.

"It was very good, thank you, but I…" I what? I should go now? Where should I go to—where _could _I go to? I…

"Look, don't stress or freak out over anything for now," he supplied, sparing me for stitching together a quick response. "You… you deserve to rest up for a while, think things over. I won't rush you into doing anything or leaving—not that I'll try to stop you either, if you really want to leave."

"Why'd you…" I started to ask why he had bothered to stop me last night, but the wound felt too raw as the words started to form in my mouth. "You're being very generous to me, at least let me help with chores or something. I would rather stay busy than lounge around…" and think about the decisions and feelings that had led me to that bridge last night.

He studied my face for a moment, and our eyes locked for a long heartbeat before he nodded.

"If you'd like, then that's fine. Uh, you want to start by helping me with the dishes? If you don't mind?" he asked, being nearly as cautious as I was. I supposed it was an awkward situation—odd at least—for both of us. Although, surely he knew it would be before he dragged me to his apartment—literally.

"Of course," I answered, trying to repress any pessimistic thoughts for the time being. It was too early to worry about any of that right now.

I gathered up the plates as he walked over to the sink and ran the water. For the briefest of moments there was some hesitancy and uncertainty—clumsiness as we both attempted to adjust to the other's method, but after a minute we compromised wordlessly and the dishes were done in record time. Drying his hands off Soul did something I hadn't seen him do before now—he grinned.

"Hey, we make a pretty good team," he commented, tossing the towel on the sink.

"Yeah I guess we do," I agreed with some reservation, a smile not gracing my lips, which in turn caused his grin to vanish.

"Uh, well, I don't have school or anything, so is there anything you want to do today? I'm not made of money, but we can go for a walk or something at least…" he offered, pausing long enough for us both to speak up and conclude at the same time:

"I hate being cooped up."

We both glanced at each other in confusion and slight embarrassment, but the moment passed and he tried for a gentle grin again.

"Yeah, let's go see what the city has to offer us today," he agreed, offering his hand. I blinked at it awkwardly for a moment before he snatched my hand from my side and led me out the door of his apartment. "You're going to need clothes and I'm going to need more groceries anyway."

I followed wordlessly, not really sure how to react to his sudden energy. Maybe it had only been the initial self-consciousness that had restrained him—maybe this was closer to his true nature. I couldn't say for sure, but I did know that something about his energy drifted into my own limbs. And so when he gestured for me to mount a motorcycle behind him, I went along with it.

"Hey, you're going to have to hold on to something," he told me, rather than starting up the bike.

"Um?" I hummed, looking for the elusive handhold he was talking about.

"Here like this," he commanded, separating my hands and rejoining them after my arms had been sufficiently wrapped around his waist. "Don't be nervous or jerk around okay?"

Although there was no way he could have seen me, I nodded and he promptly started the motor and tore off down the street, although something told me he was going comparatively slow for my sake. We whisked by multiple shops, places of business, and restaurants, before he finally halted outside of a little mom-and-pop grocery store.

He parked the bike carefully in front of the store and led the way inside the small corner shop. The place had a sort of musty smell to it, not industrial like bigger stores. The roof wasn't tall and imposing, and the smell of a slowly roasted piece of meat drifted up from the back of the store. It felt… welcoming, not overwhelming.

"Oh hey Soul!" a relatively young cashier chirped from one of only two checkout lines.

"Hey Liz, how's business?" Soul called, offering the young woman a toothy grin.

"Slow as ever!" she moaned. "Thank goodness you come here; otherwise I think we'd have gone out of business by now." He chuckled good-naturedly at that and shoved his hands in his pockets, about to walk away, but then she spoke up again:

"Hey, you're not going to introduce me to your new girlfriend?"

Girlfriend? Who was she…

Oh.

Great now that awkwardness from before would return…

"She's just a new friend of mine—hey maybe we'll have to get the gang together and play a game of basketball or something? Give her a good, old fashioned group hazing," he said, chuckling a bit at the last part, but otherwise taking the comment in stride.

"Yeah! I'll tell Kid and we'll figure something out," she answered, grinning back at him. Soul bobbed his head and continued deeper into the store, as if the interaction was totally normally. I glanced back at the girl for a moment before she winked at me, causing my attention to quickly snap away and focus back on the back of Soul's head.

"Is she a friend of yours?" I asked haltingly after a minute of being stopped in front of the vegetable section, with Soul apparently debating over what kind he wanted or how much.

"Yep, we go to the same school," he answered easily. "A group of us hangs out all the time—I'll introduce you to all of 'em sometime. If you want."

"Maybe," I answered with a question that had bothered me earlier cropping up again—did Soul live alone? Or maybe what I really wanted to ask was: what had happened to his parents? The question danced on my tongue for a moment before I swallowed it, deciding it probably wasn't the time or place.

"Okay, so here's the really difficult question," he said irritably, snapping me from my thoughts. "Green beans or corn? I just… never know. They both taste good with meatloaf right? Yet they're distinctly different vegetables. What do you think?"

"I think you're over-thinking your vegetables," I stated matter-of-factly, earning a glare from him before he let out a sigh and drooped his head down, shaking it sadly.

"Some people have no appreciation for the truly difficult decisions in life."

My mouth dropped open to make a snappy rebuttal, but I found myself again speechless in the face of his actions. Or maybe it wasn't him as much as me. I had read quite a bit before... before I met him, yet I never seemed to know just how to use the vocabulary I had gained over all that time.

Maybe that was a bigger problem than I wanted to admit out loud anyway.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to go with the traditional method," he said gravely, standing up and digging around in his pocket a moment before revealing a shiny quarter. "Always have one on me—call it, heads or tails?" He flipped the coin without waiting for me to say anything or even nod my head.

The coin crashed to the ground, spun, and finally rested on the floor between us. I was still staring at him and his eyes were locked with mine.

"We're not leaving 'till you make the call," he whispered, suddenly serious. My eyes almost drifted down, but he snapped his fingers, causing my attention to snap back up to his eyes. "No cheating."

My hands suddenly felt sweaty, but I resisted wiping them on my borrowed pants. I blinked hard and tried to think through the fuzziness that had suddenly swallowed up my thoughts. My body grew tenser with each passing second. Why was this so hard? Heads or tails…

Head…

Or…

Tail…

Or…

Or…

"Head," I whispered finally, feeling the whoosh of air fleeing my lungs in a relieved sigh. Soul bent over and picked up the coin, examining it for a brief moment before his growing-familiar-smirk played across his lips.

"Green beans it is," he declared happily, swooping up said vegetables and tossing a can for me to catch. "Not all decisions lose-lose, eh?"

"Y-yeah…" I answered uncertainly, following him again as he resumed his brisk pace down the aisle.

"Now where are those damn bottles of barbeque sauce?"

A while later he finished his shopping and marched back up to the register where he paid the amount chirped out by that woman—Liz—and we were off to our next destination.

"Clothes," he muttered. "Where do girls go to shop for clothes? Everywhere?" He glanced back at me when his joke didn't receive the reaction he expected, shrugging when I simply glared at him. "Okay, generic clothing store it is! Hold on tight."

Shopping for clothes was a bit more eventful than shopping for groceries in some ways, and in some ways it was significantly less eventful.

"You look pretty cute in that," he commented and I would've been flattered had he not offered the same comment for the last several pieces of clothing. Boy-speak translation: yeah it's good enough, can we go now? Outwardly he wasn't handling the situation with impatience, but his gender dictated some annoyance towards the subject of shopping for clothes that took more than five minutes.

I wasn't all that particular about the clothing either, but I still wanted something that looked half-way decent and was half-way comfortable. And affordable. That was actually the biggest clause. I didn't want to waste his money on clothing and I had none of my own at the moment, so paying him back would be impossible until…

The disturbing question of "What now?" reared its ugly head again and I quickly navigated away from the thoughts.

"How does this look?" I asked again, showing off the latest outfit I had picked out, a straightforward skirt and blouse combo. "And it's really cheap too," I tacked on as an afterthought.

"I told you price wasn't that big of a deal—," he started to growl as he turned towards me, but the complaint faded out once he laid eyes on me. His jaw tensed before licking his lips anxiously, blinking once before answering me, "Yeah… that looks, uh, really good."

I glanced down at the get-up in doubt, but then I heard his irritated growl, looking up in time to see him take a quick step towards me and place his hand on top of my head. Pushing down on it gently he grinned at me, his previous pause and stuttering forgotten.

"It looks fine! Let's get out of here—I'm starving and willing to treat us both to some burgers." He released my head and sauntered back to the bench to sit down and wait for me to change again. I stared at him for a minute before he finally met my eyes in annoyance.

"What?"

"But what about the green beans?" He blinked at me, his mouth fell open, and then he grinned at me.

"Don't be stupid—that's for tomorrow's dinner. Now let's _go!_"

Needing no further prompting I quickly retreated to the changing room once more. We paid for the clothes and mounted his bike once more, but this time the place he had in mind was only a short drive from where the clothing store was situated.

He pulled up to the typical burger joint, going on about how they made the best tacos—despite specializing in burgers—and led me inside. We strolled up to the cash register where a bored looking young man was rolling a coin on the counter.

"Black Star you slacker!" Soul howled, slamming his hand on the table, causing the coin to fall flat.

"Soul my man! What's up? Why are you at this shitty burger joint again—didn't I warn you about what the cooks do back there?" My stomach rolled anxiously, and I frowned towards Soul—what kind of place had he brought me to exactly?

"Hey, hey, there is a lady present," he pointed out. "Easy on the language and no spitting on the food."

"Hell yeah man! High five! Tsubaki mentioned you had a new girlfriend!" the cashier—another one of Soul's friends—howled. Maybe it wasn't howling for him, maybe it was just the way he talked…

"Tsubaki? Why would she say something like that?" Soul asked in confusion, leaning up against the counter.

"Liz told her—!"

"And that's all I needed to hear," Soul sighed, holding up his hands in defeat. Black Star laughed again.

"Well whatever, what do you want to eat man? Bet you're starving!"

"Dude, I'm always starving—give me the usual, and…" he paused and glanced over his shoulder at me, and gestured for me to approach with a jerk of his chin. "What do you want Maka? I would like to stress again that the tacos are amazing."

"Those things are gross, even to me," Black Star muttered, immediately banishing the tacos from my list.

"I'll have whatever Soul's having, minus any tacos, I guess," I mumbled, barely loud enough for the cashier to hear me.

"No you want," the boy deadpanned.

"W-what?"

"Soul eats like a fu—," he cut himself off as he noticed Soul's glare. "He eats like a horse. That'll be way too much food for you."

"Oh, well—."

"Just give the lady what she wants, man," Soul said, saving me from having to consider what exactly was edible on the menu. "Besides, I'll eat any leftovers, right?" He glanced back at me and offered me another grin, and I nodded uncertainly. "There you have it."

"Okay, okay whatever floats you," Black Star muttered, punching in the order and accepting the cash from Soul without much enthusiasm. "Order'll be up whenever I wake up the guy." He marched into the back of the kitchen, and as soon as he was out of sight loud crashes and curses could be heard. Soul rolled his eyes and walked off to a table, with me following suit as per usual for the day.

"Don't mind him too much," he defended once I took my seat. "He's a good guy, and you know it's like they say: we all have our issues." Something in his eyes didn't quite match up with his tone, and for a brief moment I couldn't help but wonder…

"Here's your slop, eat up li'l piglets!" Black Star declared, plopping down a mountain of food. My eyes bulged at the massive amount of food—and the relatively short time it took to cook it (making me again suspicious of the tacos and the joint in general).

"What of this is mine?" I asked after Black Star returned to manning his station.

"Just eat your fill," Soul answered, sounding like his mouth was already stuffed with food. "I'll eat whatever you don't. No waste, no worry."

No worry, huh?

I picked up a fairly harmless looking burger and carefully unwrapped it, the fried-grease scent tickling my nostrils. As I slowly bit into the bun and savored the taste of the burger, the word rang in my head: worry. If I had to pick any one word to describe me before this morning it would have been worry, but now something has changed…

Not just in the ways that are obvious. Not in that I was staying in a strange place with a strange boy I knew next-to-nothing about. Not even that I was still alive—that someone had changed my mind, even if it had been by force.

The taste of the juicy burger… the cold drink sliding down my throat… the oddly appealing smell of fast food… the feel of new clothes brushing my skin…

If I had really been determined… would I have let a small force like Soul stop me? Maybe I never would have gone through with it in the first place, but I was there…

On that ledge…

On that dreamlike night…

A night I was no longer sure was real…

What if I had jumped—what if this was all just a simple illusion? What if…

"Maka?" My head snapped up to see Soul looking at me in concern, the pile of food noticeably shrunken since I had last looked.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you liked the food or what," he repeated, brows knitting together in—either concern for me or over the taste of the food, maybe both.

"It's fine," I answered, returning my focus to the burger in my hands and hearing Soul returning to his food a second later.

It was more than fine though—everything about this day had been, despite the fact that it was a relatively… normal day. But maybe that was what made it so special. All the feelings, sounds, sights… all the feelings I thought I would never experience again.

The feelings I was willing to give up; maybe I was still willing to give them up.

Soul hadn't simply made all of my problems disappear, but that would have been impossible anyway. He simply gave me a normal day—a day I hadn't had in a long time. I snuck a quick glance at him and wondered again why a complete stranger would do something like this. Waste his precious time and money on someone who didn't want it…

I bit down on my lower lip, trying to hide the frown that quickly jumped there.

No, he was no fool. I may not have a lot of positive things to say right now, or much to say at all, but I couldn't bring myself to call someone who had reached a hand out towards me a fool or idiot. Someone who had returned feeling to a numb body… whatever his motives… couldn't be all bad.

I finished eating quickly enough, my appetite not entirely present in the first place, and Soul slurped down the last box of fries before letting out a happy sigh. We dumped our trash and returned to the bike, with Black Star's catcalls floating out behind us.

The ride back to the apartment seemed like the longest ride we had taken all day. Maybe Soul was stretching the drive out, taking the scenic route as some might say, or maybe it was just one of those nights where a drive could stretch comfortably on, endless as the night sky.

It had gotten colder out—not surprising for the time of year, but disconcerting due to the warmer weather of yesterday—so I leaned against Soul's back easily, not wanting to tip the bike in a rushed moment, and squeezed my arms tighter around his waist. It wasn't a gesture of affection or even thanks.

It was just cold.

And I needed something to keep me warm.

After what felt like endless hours, all too quickly, Soul pulled up to his parking spot at the apartment complex, killing the bike's motor and offering me a hand after dismounting himself. I followed him up to the apartment once more—the place where, I had realized throughout the day, I might be staying for a quite a while.

As soon as we walked inside Soul tossed his jacket on the couch and made tracks for the kitchen, his face looking troubled. For a moment I rocked back on my heels, barely stopping myself from checking on him. Instead I turned down the hall and made my way to the door that would lead to the reassuring warmth of a bed and good night's rest.

I walked inside the room, not bothering to close the door, and flopped down on the mattress. I eyed the clothes I had slept in the night before and realized I would have to ask Soul where he did his laundry so I could wash the borrowed clothes, my new clothes, and my old clothes—the bare minimum wardrobe was reaching its end. I reluctantly stood up again, the drain of the day starting to sink in as my body relaxed in the comfortable warmth of the room.

I only took a single step outside of the room before I stopped dead in my tracks again. Soul was standing there, looking at me with as much surprise as I was looking at him. I opened my mouth to ask about the laundry, but he suddenly slouched down and shoved his hands in his pockets, awkwardly looking down at his feet.

"Uh, Maka…" he trailed, letting his bangs cover his face and making it impossible to even guess at what he was thinking. "I know… I mean, I… I'm…

"I had a really good time today," he blurted, finally looking me in the eyes, his own a pool of determination.

For the first time I could remember—the first time since before everything happened—I felt my heart pick up speed and hammer against my ribcage. A strange hotness crept up my neck to my ears, and my hands grew clammy. I stumbled back a step, back into the room, and slammed the door shut.

I didn't even bother changing, I simply dove onto the bed and buried my face in the pillow, worried that he might come through the door and see me.

But he never did.

So I laid there, heart slowing after what felt like an eternity, embarrassment and shame pricking at the back of my eyes… and an acute sense of panic sending my mind into a frenzy.

There were some things I just wasn't ready to feel again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_I know it's not very heavy or dark at the moment (it's almost fluffy isn't it?), but the acute reader will notice certain hints and what not… and for the rest, I promise you the best is yet to come. _


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